tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90071990286903313042024-03-13T10:38:02.380-07:00Plump NonfictionPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-42476362784394787392020-06-12T12:53:00.004-07:002020-06-12T12:53:55.635-07:00First Weigh In Using ITrackBites Conquer CravingsMy first weigh in was great.<br />
<br />
I lost 8.2 pounds!<br />
<br />
This weight loss plan is working for me. The first few days I had headaches, I was grumpy, and I felt like eating every second of the day. Then everything started getting easier. Now I am on day 9 and I am not hungry all the time anymore.<br />
<br />
I haven't started exercising yet but I'm hoping to start that sometime in the next week.<br />
<br />
I started therapy today and it went well. I learned some new ways to cope with my anxiety. I also was able to talk about the loss of my friend who passed away in December. I will continue with sessions every 2 weeks. I am going to do this right.<br />
<br />
After Monday, my work load should slow down so I will be posting more regularly.<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
Pam<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-88480122388981493172020-06-06T03:50:00.002-07:002020-06-06T03:50:39.488-07:00Starting Over - Starting WeightI know I'm a couple of days late. I did start on Thursday. The first day was really rough. I had an anxiety attack and had a massive headache. I made it through the day successfully though.<br />
<br />
My starting weight is 275 lbs again.<br />
<br />
I have been feeling so bad lately and my anxiety has been so high. I decided to make an appointment to see the therapist I've seen in the past. I want to do this right. I know without help I will keep falling into my bad habits. This pandemic and the loss of my good friend has really worn me down. I have a hard time handling anything right now. Add to that... work has been extra stressful lately and parts of my body have been in pain. It is just a recipe for failure.<br />
<br />
I'm going to work on myself.<br />
<br />
It has taken me a long time to admit I need help but here I am. I'm going to get help.<br />
<br />
Posts will be sporadic until I get over this stressful time at work.<br />
<br />
I'm not giving up.<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
Pam<br />
<br />
<br />Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-21532334190441620252020-06-03T02:20:00.000-07:002020-06-03T02:20:13.772-07:00StrugglingI haven't written in a while.<br />
<br />
Yes, I fell off track.<br />
<br />
As I was following the program, things starting coming up about my friends death. I was crying constantly and I couldn't handle it. I started to comfort myself with food again and the bad thoughts melted away.<br />
<br />
I am going to start again tomorrow. This time I am prepared for those bad thoughts and have ways to cope with them.<br />
<br />
I am also not going to use Weight Watchers anymore.<br />
<br />
I don't like the fact that I was starting to use sugar free and low fat alternatives for everything. I need a diet that allows me to eat more real food. Of course, I will still be eating processed foods but I'm going to try my best to eat better with less processed foods. I didn't feel that way when I was doing Weight Watchers. I want to feel good about what is going in my mouth.<br />
<br />
I have decided to use ITrackBites which is similar to Weight Watchers but you can use programs from the past that Weight Watchers has done. I also am fond of the 100 Days of Real Food books and blog. I will be utilizing them to eat healthier.<br />
<br />
So, I'll see you tomorrow with my new starting weight. I think I gained back every pound I lost.<br />
<br />
This is hard to write. Its embarrassing but I know I can't give up.<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
PamPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-5925650746591472122020-05-22T10:13:00.000-07:002020-05-22T10:14:02.347-07:00Day 8 - 5/21/20 First Weigh InWell, I won't keep you in suspense.<br />
<br />
I lost 7.8 pounds for my first week on Weight Watchers!!!<br />
<br />
I'm so happy I got through the week and I stayed strong. Seeing that loss made all the struggle completely worth it.<br />
<br />
A few things have already changed in the last week.<br />
<br />
1. My mindset is different. At the beginning of the week, I wasn't sure if I could do this. I struggled with the thought of just giving up and eating what I wanted. Now, I know I can get through this. I know the struggles aren't over and probably will never be over, but I know I can be strong. Waking up in the morning when I didn't overeat is such a fantastic feeling, too.<br />
<br />
2. I don't hurt as bad when I exercise. At the beginning of the week when I did my walks on the treadmill, I had to take a break almost every 5 minutes for at least 20-30 seconds because my ankles were hurting so much. By the end of the week, I was walking the full 30 minutes without stopping. Today, I even felt so good that I jogged. I jogged for 1 minute and walked for 2 minutes for a total of 30 minutes. After that, I was tired but I went outside to play soccer with my older son and even did a bit of rollerblading. I felt so great! My movement is definitely increasing.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2biaj_5f_ymgJDIuhPPi9py7vAIgkgaa90BZSOafPwMpKIaddAM7A_ogusf9NB_EBUzGa7bVLke-aLlh4XKcfDn8oHCgRtwpSRKVqXTxBbmflyrC9-BJIhtaGW0b_8EUoKtk5LYKQngc/s1600/20200521_162156.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2biaj_5f_ymgJDIuhPPi9py7vAIgkgaa90BZSOafPwMpKIaddAM7A_ogusf9NB_EBUzGa7bVLke-aLlh4XKcfDn8oHCgRtwpSRKVqXTxBbmflyrC9-BJIhtaGW0b_8EUoKtk5LYKQngc/s400/20200521_162156.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
3. I'm not as hungry. In the beginning of the week, I was constantly hungry. I wanted to eat more the second I finished eating something else. I have been trying to eat fuller meals that will keep me satisfied longer. I also have plenty of foods to snack on when I feel like I need to eat that have a low point value.<br />
<br />
4. I'm cooking more. I am happy to be in my kitchen making some yummy food. For a long time, I was not cooking except for putting frozen food in the oven. I didn't care. I had what was easy. I look forward to getting in the kitchen everyday now.<br />
<br />
5. I'm not as lazy. Before, I could sit around all day and be content. Now, I am always getting up to do something. My house is so much cleaner and organized. The effect of that is a lot less chaos in my mind. I still have work to do but everyday gets better.<br />
<br />
So in one week, so much has already changed. I can't want to keep going and see where this takes me. I want to be healthy and I know I can do this. And if I can do it, so can you!<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
PamPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-78410888974619283032020-05-20T08:29:00.000-07:002020-05-20T08:30:07.826-07:00Day 6 - 5/19/20 What I Ate On Weight Watchers Green Plan<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="text-align: left;">Today was a really good day!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I stayed within my points!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I exercised!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I cleaned!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I worked!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I sat on my butt and watched tv!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Such an exciting life right now!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
My eating has changed a bit. I have been going on Youtube to find some weight watcher point friendly foods.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Here is what I ate:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpo_1IRheEeX00IJR-JmNiAH7JxblSmgS0-GLKQ84aIJwlgT9SlZW2LQe6j1XC2hsmO6IRoz2U7aNLE7X4riLdNMYUVLmZj9HafqjQT-PIiV7HUfr3yfv2pClxfQovLFWT0EDf3WKFiu0/s1600/20200519_070302.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpo_1IRheEeX00IJR-JmNiAH7JxblSmgS0-GLKQ84aIJwlgT9SlZW2LQe6j1XC2hsmO6IRoz2U7aNLE7X4riLdNMYUVLmZj9HafqjQT-PIiV7HUfr3yfv2pClxfQovLFWT0EDf3WKFiu0/s320/20200519_070302.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> Breakfast was a light english muffin (2) w/ chocolate <br />
PB2/sugar free syrup (1) and a banana (0). I also had 2 cups<br />
of coffee with sugar & nondairy creamer. (3)<br />
Total: 6 sp</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1287" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNTmLRtOlpiv8SMqExFRqv1i9uUaF_2Ea9OcGT_m8Sc0ZbTxCndBCltuorFaL1IAhQXPtds6bNkwsvhroQ3oI2-Upm73FBCN5F1mmPOGIy7W2r9mCProO5NY8yxGFoMdevPZPYnKRQaGw/s320/20200519_132050.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="257" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what I used for the topping on the english muffin.<br />
Found this on suggestion on Youtube.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR8GQESXYyz096XUNlBPc9n5aMwUIHKB2VO34V6xPgpsQmNEGcudnK9phE-ovOfuMlx0eJCvIT5aCGrkxvXaCC3hwbECj72gVcQ71UmW8SU_zU_4w_ebVd9QRUMUhEXEjLtfq6QRofKXY/s1600/20200519_131958.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1529" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR8GQESXYyz096XUNlBPc9n5aMwUIHKB2VO34V6xPgpsQmNEGcudnK9phE-ovOfuMlx0eJCvIT5aCGrkxvXaCC3hwbECj72gVcQ71UmW8SU_zU_4w_ebVd9QRUMUhEXEjLtfq6QRofKXY/s320/20200519_131958.jpg" width="305" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption">I was very snacky today. This was 1-1/4 oz. of barbeque Ritz<br />
Crisp & Thins.<br />
Total: 5</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigQpI7bY9anQeoD7XMD3LQdU9WJbpZNxu_WNYuCfiF_mJtEJRdjeiIhH6GGQsncOfuk3lPPJZJoa3NK6uKcaaQRi7K9wk4onrTbl4Na_XiZDSpwfGwAv8qV2Lnsvo-Wruwn_z-E7He7mQ/s1600/20200519_132012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1516" data-original-width="1600" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigQpI7bY9anQeoD7XMD3LQdU9WJbpZNxu_WNYuCfiF_mJtEJRdjeiIhH6GGQsncOfuk3lPPJZJoa3NK6uKcaaQRi7K9wk4onrTbl4Na_XiZDSpwfGwAv8qV2Lnsvo-Wruwn_z-E7He7mQ/s320/20200519_132012.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Second snack midmorning was a Quaker caramel rice cake (2)<br />
w/ a few tbsps. of chocolate Reddiwip (1). So yummy!<br />
Total: 3 sp</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsGWJ1zSD7jfZpOxJLeO2ZHmk8_pPeNu5MUfDFR5v5DFBjupey0OG55Hb5nmiLbUexSa1werOW2p9WEISyludQJ8F6ayBkiGJC27O_9mSdsaPWY-8_4vwE9aiEPXQeWCPJvtAw1v9_JSI/s1600/20200519_120522.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsGWJ1zSD7jfZpOxJLeO2ZHmk8_pPeNu5MUfDFR5v5DFBjupey0OG55Hb5nmiLbUexSa1werOW2p9WEISyludQJ8F6ayBkiGJC27O_9mSdsaPWY-8_4vwE9aiEPXQeWCPJvtAw1v9_JSI/s320/20200519_120522.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lunch was so good! I had a salad w/ baby spinach/spring mix (0),<br />
1 oz. feta cheese (2), 1/8 c. walnuts (3), 1 c. strawberries (0), and 2 Tbsp.<br />
balasmic vinegar (1). I was very hungry so I added 10 oz. shrimp (2) w/<br />
1-1/2 Tbsp. general tso sauce (3).<br />
Total: 11 sp</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioe0Wav6fJZrlbHTLz7dsyzi4ucDzN5YlPVGLnUuvt1POkQbD6tSNrvKKQ1nYsqoEYRuv6JIhJTmhlWptXDcqFxpvtED2-8cHXZrFvxB1MR25drfZymj_DrrhXD7YAhW7Efo0kHn6EklE/s1600/20200516_121333.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="875" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioe0Wav6fJZrlbHTLz7dsyzi4ucDzN5YlPVGLnUuvt1POkQbD6tSNrvKKQ1nYsqoEYRuv6JIhJTmhlWptXDcqFxpvtED2-8cHXZrFvxB1MR25drfZymj_DrrhXD7YAhW7Efo0kHn6EklE/s320/20200516_121333.jpg" width="174" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the balasmic vinegar I use. I buy it<br />
from William Sonoma. It is expenisve but<br />
very worth the money to me. It has a sweet taste<br />
and doesn't need anything added to it for a salad.<br />
This is my opinion at least!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCfs2YziWJLdnJPOgk28iT6PzQExjV2LIda_ZEgja76wVxNtvWjcfOCMXw4Ou2e0vnDMPI-AI01RA9zy_XiyicIvtHcoC1EN6PVpLrfFZuu97_BEULmHwssoBYBnTpk5P6zbsAnq4zWJU/s1600/20200519_132024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1518" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCfs2YziWJLdnJPOgk28iT6PzQExjV2LIda_ZEgja76wVxNtvWjcfOCMXw4Ou2e0vnDMPI-AI01RA9zy_XiyicIvtHcoC1EN6PVpLrfFZuu97_BEULmHwssoBYBnTpk5P6zbsAnq4zWJU/s320/20200519_132024.jpg" width="303" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another snack! This was 1 oz. of Hippeas nacho flavor.<br />
I love these. Even my kids really like them. They are made<br />
from chickpea flour.<br />
Total: 4 sp</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: start;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh9UGKwg1MfbSUJWoTe0UriPAPiX9GLoWM93Sq1VW8UP8QhcnGU7Qr2aE7qjWj__Flgk_UE6VOKxnQD07lcC6-we3WuA26UtBencOt0Kzu29v-7hNS2UJC-UjsUmSH1TzvnIIlzeEKpvU/s1600/20200519_172756.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1090" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh9UGKwg1MfbSUJWoTe0UriPAPiX9GLoWM93Sq1VW8UP8QhcnGU7Qr2aE7qjWj__Flgk_UE6VOKxnQD07lcC6-we3WuA26UtBencOt0Kzu29v-7hNS2UJC-UjsUmSH1TzvnIIlzeEKpvU/s320/20200519_172756.jpg" width="218" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I had some bacon that I had to use up so<br />
I decided to make chocolate chip pancakes for my<br />
family. I had something different though.<br />
2 blueberry eggo waffles (6) w/ 1/8 c. sugar<br />
free syrup (0) & 3 slices of bacon (3). I had an apple (0)<br />
w/ 2 Tbsps. PB2 (1).<br />
Total: 10 sp</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW2Ico48QZgHZnBK0BrO4citNKTkLWpQOfX8OWb4Xyw1Rda94WesPvkanQEBsO4VCd-s-Vw7bu2oRf73jGIlDr6FJWyWD44IsrX5gbEyAT53tCwgnNDsT2XlbOkpFD-bX6BXXBw6UtvpQ/s1600/20200519_172648.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="662" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW2Ico48QZgHZnBK0BrO4citNKTkLWpQOfX8OWb4Xyw1Rda94WesPvkanQEBsO4VCd-s-Vw7bu2oRf73jGIlDr6FJWyWD44IsrX5gbEyAT53tCwgnNDsT2XlbOkpFD-bX6BXXBw6UtvpQ/s320/20200519_172648.jpg" width="132" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I felt pretty satisfied after dinner. Later on,<br />
I had a Premier Protein caramel shake for<br />
my dessert.<br />
Total: 2 sp</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I felt like I ate so much today but I ended up having 2 smartpoints leftover for the day. I know that I just wanted to snack all day but I tried to control myself with portions of snacks. I distracted myself by trying to stay busy. It worked most of the day.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm looking forward to weigh in! My weigh ins are on Thursday but you will see the post on Friday.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Until next time,</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Pam</div>
</div>
</div>
Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-84228589862961532532020-05-19T10:15:00.001-07:002020-05-19T10:15:26.490-07:00Day 5 - 5/18/20Another day of struggle. What can I say? This is my first week and I have to adjust to eating this way. I am making it but it is hard.<br />
<br />
Nothing really to report today. Just checking in and letting you know I'm still going. I did my 30 minute walk on the treadmill and stayed within my points for the day.<br />
<br />
Today I am doing a what I eat in a day blog so it will be posted tomorrow!<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
PamPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-18032399116848583812020-05-18T09:14:00.000-07:002020-05-18T09:14:29.094-07:00Day 3 & 4 - 5/16/20-5/17/205/16/20:<br />
<br />
It is a beautiful Saturday. The weather right now is 74°F in NJ. I'm sitting outside on my deck while writing this. I love this!<br />
<br />
I keep thinking that I want to take a walk outside. I keep chickening out though. I am all in my head about how other people will judge me based on my weight. I have gained around 20 pounds in the past 2 months. That is a lot of weight to gain in a short amount of time. I feel really bad about myself and in my head, I'm being judged by others but I know in reality that it is me judging myself.<br />
<br />
My weight has held me back more times than I can count. There is so much I still want to do in my life and I don't want something that I have complete control over dictate what I can and can't do. You might say I can do all the things I want to do now at this weight. Yes I could... but I want the level of comfort with myself that I'm not wondering if everyone is looking at me in disgust. I want to gain enough confidence and self-esteem that I am only focusing on what is really important. I have wasted so much of my life worrying about what others think.<br />
<br />
The rest of Saturday went really good. I used a bunch of my weekly smartpoints. I am going to save them for the weekends when I want to eat a little bit more without going overboard. For exercise, I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill. I feel like I am close to giving a light jog a try... maybe sometime next week.<br />
<br />
5/17/20:<br />
<br />
Sunday was chilly. We kept the windows open but I wore a light jacket all day. I worked a bit to make up for the time I get distracted during the week, watched some tv, and played some games with my family.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_I-PyicUmmNOa_VL5XSMDThYbAX9jE0im0ttBkNwc8aE4RfL4F9LqpItZIaxdXfUdNzuxPdyPS6HFgmVwXY1znAZBhHq_lb9DvMsGfmTWnmsV8CIapnc2eDHJEfO___LBDnIYASoo0jE/s1600/20200516_192226.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_I-PyicUmmNOa_VL5XSMDThYbAX9jE0im0ttBkNwc8aE4RfL4F9LqpItZIaxdXfUdNzuxPdyPS6HFgmVwXY1znAZBhHq_lb9DvMsGfmTWnmsV8CIapnc2eDHJEfO___LBDnIYASoo0jE/s320/20200516_192226.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My sons</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill.<br />
<br />
I struggled a lot with food but I stayed strong and finished the day successfully. I have been having these fights in my head. There is a side of me that doesn't care and just wants to eat. Then there is the other side that is so tired of this and wants to get healthy. I have to keep fighting to listen to the one that matters. The one that will get me to a healthy weight.<br />
<br />
It seems like I have this struggle every other day. I just have to keep trying. It is so nice to wake up in the morning and know that I didn't have a binge. It is one of the things I try to remind myself when I want to give up.<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
PamPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-47609218481409416942020-05-16T05:20:00.001-07:002020-05-16T11:29:50.502-07:00Day 2 - 5/15/20I woke up this morning with a really, really bad headache and some dizziness. After taking some medicine, I started to feel better. Then it was off to work in my dining room in my pajamas. I really hate working from home. I get distracted easily (mostly from my kids) and have to work on the weekends to make up the time that I lost to those distractions. I can't wait for the day that I can work in the office again. I have gone through bouts of depression and hopelessness. I don't like being home all the time! I'm sure there are a lot of people that would agree.<br />
<br />
Friday is my grocery shopping day so I headed out early so I would be there right when they opened. I didn't feel prepared as I hadn't done any research on some good weight watchers friendly products. I ended up going on Youtube later after I already did the shopping and found some great ideas that I will be trying out. I will be heading out to the store again tomorrow to pick up these items if my store has them.<br />
<br />
In the future, I will try to show a grocery haul through pictures.<br />
<br />
At home, I have some high point value products that I will have to use up. It will fit into the plan but I will be using a lot of points on certain meals. I don't want to waste food. Over the next few weeks, I will be making a few small changes to things I already eat like switching from whole milk to low fat milk. The small changes will actually save me a lot in points.<br />
<br />
The rest of the day went well. I walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill. I actually felt like walking longer but I decided to break a sweat cleaning up the house a bit. Only the 2nd day in and I am already feeling more energy!<br />
<br />
One of the two downsides to trying to be healthier is I am in the bathroom every 30 minutes. I'm pretty sure I have the smallest bladder ever. I am drinking 64 oz. of water a day on top of my 2 cups of coffee. I can handle it during the day but at night it is a nightmare getting up so much. I probably get up at least 4-5 times during the night.<br />
<br />
The other downside is the headaches I've been getting. I know this is only temporary but it makes staying on track difficult. I know if I had a candy bar and a coke, I'd feel better. I'm not going to do that. This is hard but worth it.<br />
<br />
I'm looking forward to tomorrow which is the start of the weekend. I'm trying to figure out things I can do with the kids and husband that everyone would enjoy outside.<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
Pam<br />
<br />Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-52518068835399512492020-05-15T03:09:00.000-07:002020-05-16T05:21:01.142-07:00What I Ate On Weight Watcher Green Plan 5/14/20Day 1 is over and I made it!<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Here is my day of food:<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZNRFhkH_0CBhYPvFS5PzI1Duv3XJY06E8aWYUb2eOrvPtYPKZZ5ieSZ2MRva1h4SJdoGtsWRRYpOxNwQdaFYMMdwvLqJAVexraIocglTdarsJ4pVxpMO650XmNEAWw6AXrlnZOitPnSA/s1600/20200514_070640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZNRFhkH_0CBhYPvFS5PzI1Duv3XJY06E8aWYUb2eOrvPtYPKZZ5ieSZ2MRva1h4SJdoGtsWRRYpOxNwQdaFYMMdwvLqJAVexraIocglTdarsJ4pVxpMO650XmNEAWw6AXrlnZOitPnSA/s320/20200514_070640.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption">7am: Breakfast was overnight oats<br />
with banana & granola. Coffee as well.<br />
Total WW points: 17</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXiIPBfygSn7sM499D11gGT_UHGtEkUO8sCTD1tE1nw3l8O17OuURVrkLuTDOCOKAMGGlF1YpnjbiCiuZkBoVtFucuKC8Ux_8tAUCiDbAg-boNRtD5BVKhTrMblBeSy35KEGTB4NZ4UDU/s1600/20200514_110316.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXiIPBfygSn7sM499D11gGT_UHGtEkUO8sCTD1tE1nw3l8O17OuURVrkLuTDOCOKAMGGlF1YpnjbiCiuZkBoVtFucuKC8Ux_8tAUCiDbAg-boNRtD5BVKhTrMblBeSy35KEGTB4NZ4UDU/s320/20200514_110316.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">11am: Mid-morning snack was some strawberries.<br />
Total WW points: 0</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQZfkMX9Fer3-jnbofMbo3rIXfsyc9-FbnNGGSk3D66yZ1UtPjJuZCiElzA0sjzQGcv7uq882Xxup-sO_0ArpF0W0gO3al53yTBqcKdx-pBLfAqE5nmGvzoaWVhk7Uf3B0DobQgOGQly0/s1600/20200514_131113.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1310" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQZfkMX9Fer3-jnbofMbo3rIXfsyc9-FbnNGGSk3D66yZ1UtPjJuZCiElzA0sjzQGcv7uq882Xxup-sO_0ArpF0W0gO3al53yTBqcKdx-pBLfAqE5nmGvzoaWVhk7Uf3B0DobQgOGQly0/s320/20200514_131113.jpg" width="261" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1pm: Lunch was turkey chili w/ shredded cheddar cheese & corn chips.<br />
Total WW points: 12</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipeHsB5KtYTNhWAj3NUStfqLzyoXFcB1xA2-Q5FUIvyHNlxR7yd3EfhqCSIJKnNUbmK3A3k36Nirj_D81W6S3uxdLmajNFEpde70NIW_s7486OJ8LWXu416temGe42wLgUOo6SYoidCg8/s1600/20200514_145219.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1099" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipeHsB5KtYTNhWAj3NUStfqLzyoXFcB1xA2-Q5FUIvyHNlxR7yd3EfhqCSIJKnNUbmK3A3k36Nirj_D81W6S3uxdLmajNFEpde70NIW_s7486OJ8LWXu416temGe42wLgUOo6SYoidCg8/s320/20200514_145219.jpg" width="219" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">3pm: Afternoon snack was baby carrots w/ ranch dip<br />
Total WW points: 3</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIP7SeDpmY1R9WAQj92xE42MzdPkY8ccN7tsq9YosrsgWusbK2yOukdtMyLiW7GpikeL0LI-hoPErjqfXFtAIi_LRWnG2tVcVOIMEpoi60ftKBj9P5Jh5kvZpJxUnXkOeYBc_rwRgTLbI/s1600/20200514_172719.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1505" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIP7SeDpmY1R9WAQj92xE42MzdPkY8ccN7tsq9YosrsgWusbK2yOukdtMyLiW7GpikeL0LI-hoPErjqfXFtAIi_LRWnG2tVcVOIMEpoi60ftKBj9P5Jh5kvZpJxUnXkOeYBc_rwRgTLbI/s320/20200514_172719.jpg" width="301" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">5:30pm: Dinner was egg, egg whites, potato, broccoli, & cheese.<br />
It tasted better than it looked.<br />
Total WW points: 11</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU6EEtg_WhgVXs-5Bj3X9pCQi8l1ycXQSdadsj8rlG3IGyVMljEiEyeyeVzhPTK1TNhN4Su6ydGFvJRwbSrEsXuc7YnnMY3MvCdZTc-fDSSD6mjbcdV8F8YfkDyJhQsVPOjDn8yqLcdiE/s1600/20200514_122944.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU6EEtg_WhgVXs-5Bj3X9pCQi8l1ycXQSdadsj8rlG3IGyVMljEiEyeyeVzhPTK1TNhN4Su6ydGFvJRwbSrEsXuc7YnnMY3MvCdZTc-fDSSD6mjbcdV8F8YfkDyJhQsVPOjDn8yqLcdiE/s400/20200514_122944.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Exercise was 30 minutes of walking on the treadmill.<br />
<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My daily points for each day is 43. I used exactly 43 points today. I'm not so sure I'm excited about this program after doing it for one day but I know I need portion control. It is going to take a while to get used to. I'm not going to lie... I still want to eat. I want to eat until I can't eat anymore. I have a horrible headache. I want to give up this very minute.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But my relationship with food has to change. I can't depend on food to make me happy and comfort me. I know once I detox from all the sugar I was eating, I will feel better. Right now, it is not good. I know this is going to be hard. I will not give up. One day at a time.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Until next time,</div>
<div>
Pam</div>
</div>
Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-82803636103258129802020-05-14T11:15:00.000-07:002020-05-14T15:16:59.068-07:00Day 1 - And So It Begins...It's never easy getting on the scale the first time. I have been hiding from the scale the past few weeks. I have looked at my body in the mirror and I have witnessed it getting bigger and bigger. I can no longer fit into my biggest pair of jeans. I wear stretchy pants on a daily basis. I don't like this person I have become. So lazy, so willing to eat and eat and eat and then eat some more. What is wrong with me?<br />
<br />
Today is a new beginning.<br />
<br />
Today is the worst it will be.<br />
<br />
Starting weight: 275 lbs.<br />
<br />
Nothing is more embarrassing than showing these pictures to you. But once again, today is the worst it will be.<br />
<br />
Starting Pictures:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihUWteG4F3DBXVWkoaarKnegf5Qiq6molhS-y2MOOpX8BPBB_3a5BGZ804lABc6iWSW-DDTipDaJT191sLMZ4LYO0R_hDdyhpA0qjqVYVlp9uB0vRNo5onk3-RW9p3tplv5rcCbt8doAM/s1600/20200514_134415.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="680" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihUWteG4F3DBXVWkoaarKnegf5Qiq6molhS-y2MOOpX8BPBB_3a5BGZ804lABc6iWSW-DDTipDaJT191sLMZ4LYO0R_hDdyhpA0qjqVYVlp9uB0vRNo5onk3-RW9p3tplv5rcCbt8doAM/s320/20200514_134415.jpg" width="136" /></a></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwgtuj6s-DS5wV798xvNKe69adzxsA1Ye3mMaQ7I5MIQBzs28D3FQPSoPDwqGKctxIJOhmf7UV4zPsyVU_QbotIapgvXuNgqyB0NDHD2A_iWPsjXgAqHpLJT48yevDFbZlJ2rKLXhyphenhyphenFb8/s1600/20200514_134459.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="489" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwgtuj6s-DS5wV798xvNKe69adzxsA1Ye3mMaQ7I5MIQBzs28D3FQPSoPDwqGKctxIJOhmf7UV4zPsyVU_QbotIapgvXuNgqyB0NDHD2A_iWPsjXgAqHpLJT48yevDFbZlJ2rKLXhyphenhyphenFb8/s320/20200514_134459.jpg" title="" width="97" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Right now I do not feel very good about myself after looking at these pictures but I am determined to lose this weight for good. I am going to look at these pictures everytime I am struggling because this is a huge wake up call.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Tomorrow I will share what I ate on my first day and what I did for exercise!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Until next time,<br />
Pam</div>
Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-62092224612280133092020-05-13T11:22:00.000-07:002020-05-13T11:22:16.784-07:00The PlanBefore I get started tomorrow I wanted to share the weight loss plan I will be using. I decided to go with Weight Watchers. I will be on the green plan. We will go into more detail as I learn the program.<br />
<br />
I signed up and there is no going back.<br />
<br />
For exercise, I will start out using my treadmill to walk. I will start jogging when I lose at least 10-15 pounds. I will also use the Beachbody workouts since I am a member now (as of a few weeks ago and I have not done one workout yet).<br />
<br />
Things will change over time. I will change over time. I know that. You know that. This is my starting point.<br />
<br />
Things I would like to do concerning this blog...<br />
<br />
I would like to share my weigh-ins (eek).<br />
<br />
I would like to have days where I share everything I eat and how much exercise I accomplished (pictures included).<br />
<br />
I would like to review new things that I buy for my weight loss journey (maybe other stuff, too).<br />
<br />
I would like to share recipes or food products that I love.<br />
<br />
I would like to share some vlogs (if I get up enough courage to record myself).<br />
<br />
I would like to share my ups and downs (there will be many of them).<br />
<br />
I would like to tell you the truth (even if it hurts or I'm scared).<br />
<br />
I would like to share my life (nothing fascinating here).<br />
<br />
I would like to inspire you (maybe not today but someday).<br />
<br />
The rest I will figure out along the way.<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
PamPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-53064444825614576592020-05-12T14:28:00.001-07:002020-05-12T14:28:58.663-07:00How Did I Get HereWhere do I start?<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
How do I tell you who I am?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My name is Pam. I am a married mother of 2 boys. I live in New Jersey.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Boring, right?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I would love to tell you about my life and I will... but I think it is more important to tell you how I got to this point. The major things that have shaped me as a person. The reason I am at my lowest point as I write this.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
About 9-10 years ago, I lost 90 pounds as I wrote on this blog. Fast forward to today... I have gained it all back. There are so many things that helped contribute to my weight gain but ultimately it was my fault.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I can pretty much remember the exact moment everything changed. I had just finished a 5k race and afterward, I received a phone call telling me that I was laid off from the job I had for 15 years. It was devastating. The weight gain started from that moment. I had a hard time trying to care for myself because I was feeling such a great loss. It took months to get over it. Losing my job definitely made me feel worthless. And that worthlessness has followed me through the years.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I had a hard time finding a new job so I got the only job I could get working in a daycare center. It was the most stressful 2 years of my life. I worked with one year olds (about 18 of them in one room with 4 other adults). It was my worst nightmare. I loved working with children, but that experience just made me want to run the other way. It was too much. The weight gain continued.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I was lucky though. At that job, I met a woman that would end up being of my greatest friends. She was the mother of twins that I cared for at the daycare. When I reached my limit at that job, she helped me find a job at the place she worked. Then after 2 years, she helped me get an even better job within the company. She ended up becoming my boss and I was so happy that there was someone looking out for me... a true friend. She even got me into golf and it has become one of my favorite things to do. She had so much infuence in my life in the 7 years I knew her. She was everything I needed in a friend.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She found out in October that she had cancer and her sickness progressed rapidly. Unfortunately, on 12/17/19, she passed away at the young age of 37. Being with her as she was dying will always be one of the hardest things I ever had to do. As I sit here writing this, I still feel this loss as if it happened yesterday. Tears are flooding my cheeks. Why was I given such a wonderful gift to have it ripped away from me?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It has been almost 5 months since her death. I think about her everyday and I wish she was still here. I was blessed to have her in my life.<br />
<br />
During that hard time, I started to have really bad anxiety attacks. They were so bad that one time I ended up at the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. I never want to feel that way again. I decided to go to therapy to try to figure out what was happening to me and learn some ways to cope with my anxiety. It helped. I went for a few months but ended up stopping at the beginning of this year. I definitely see more therapy in my future. I also started taking medication for the anxiety. Lexapro. I am not by any means cured, but it has helped to bring my anxiety down a notch.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, we are going through this pandemic. I work my full time job from home while taking care of my kids. I miss going to the office so much. I leave the house once a week to go grocery shopping. The world is a scary place right now. I think that is where the last 20 pound weight gain came from. I'm not used to this world. I would love nothing more than to hug my mom right now or to have a laugh at work with my coworkers or go out anywhere without having to wear a mask. I have been taking comfort through food. I let myself have pity parties where I would lie down on the couch stuffing my face as I watched tv telling myself it was ok to do this. It's not ok.<br />
<br />
No more!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I want to do this for me. I want to be proud of myself again. I want to feel success and I want to live a longer life. I want to be healthy. I want to lose this weight.<br />
<br />
More importantly, I want to do this for the friend I lost. The one who was always there for me when I was down. The one who always tried to boost my confidence. The one I laughed so hard with that my stomach would hurt. The one who tried to get me to exercise more and always gave me advice about healthy eating. She tried. I wasn't willing. Now I am. Maybe a little late... but I'm ready.<br />
<br />
This is for you NH.<br />
<br />
Day one is on Thursday (5/14).<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
Pam</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9007199028690331304.post-17020419585152585122020-05-11T17:01:00.001-07:002020-05-12T13:54:43.613-07:00Rock BottomWhere do you go from here? Rock Bottom. That feeling where you know it can't possibly get any worse. I am here now. I can't get any lower.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I feel lost. I am lost. I don't know how to start digging myself out of this hole I'm in.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I try and try and try again... but in the end I am back here.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What can I do?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Keep trying.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That is the only thing I can do. Because I might fail 99% of the time but there is always that 1% chance that I won't.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So I'm going to try to find myself again. I'm going to try to feel good about myself again. I don't want to be lost. I want to wake up everyday knowing that I am doing the best I can. I want to start digging myself out of this hole I'm in.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What do I need to do?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So much.... but we will start with a few things for now.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
1. Lose weight... I have over 100 pounds to lose. We will go into more detail in the next few days including starting weight and pics.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
2. Exercise daily. Move more!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
See... not so bad. I can do this... right?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am going to do this.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Watch me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Until next time,</div>
<div>
Pam</div>
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04514287730419748270noreply@blogger.com0